After twenty five years of marriage, my husband Tom and I have discovered eight words that we find far more heart-warming and sexy than “I love you.” Ironically, these words are needed when you are not feeling sexy or romantic. In fact, you’ll need them when you most loathe the sight of your loved one.
These eight sexy words are powerful to fuel an ongoing romance in your relationships despite your differences. Don’t follow them up with explanations or the dreaded “but.” Just utter these eight words and watch hearts soften. Tom jokes amongst friends, “Our form of ‘getting in the mood’ is very simple. I stand at the foot of the bed and say these eight words, I’m sorry, I was wrong, you were right!”
And he is right. There’s something about those eight words, by themselves, with no explanations or apologies for why something happened that never cease to make both of us smile. It’s a grace card that says, “Get out of the argument jail now!” It’s a white flag that announces; I need some grace here, I’ve acted like a jerk. I want to quit and I don’t want to hear any further about what an idiot I’ve been. Once you say those eight words, all is forgiven. Cease fire.
Sometimes I pretend I didn’t quite hear him. We both know I heard him clearly, but I flash him a wide-eyed Bambi look, cup my hand to my ear and say, “What was that again?” Anticipating the pay off, he grins and repeats with a twinkle in his eye, “I’m sorry, I was wrong! You were right!”
“You really mean it?” I ask, “You’re not just saying that?”
“Yes. I really mean it.”
Even if I have my doubts about his sincerity and his agenda, I put them aside and take it at face value. What’s the point of arguing further? So one of us can drill the other into the ground with our well-presented bullet points and cause long term damage? Is that really going to bring your mate to your side? As parents we learn to pick our battles, as spouses that’s true as well. Besides it’s late, I want to go to sleep and the rules are when those eight words are spoken, it is Game Over. Actually, more like game on, because those words just make me warm and tingly all over.
Both of us have learned through the years the art of laying down our pride, arguments and false sense of entitlement to deliver the eight words. The funny thing is, the more you say them, the easier they just roll off the tongue. I’m sorry, I was wrong, you were right communicates that the long term relationship is of more value to you than winning the current skirmish. It says I care more about you than winning.
Romance isn’t always ooey-gooey serendipity or a box of chocolates. (Although, I will be putty at his feet if they are dark chocolate). And most men aren’t known for their telepathic romance genes. Maybe he brings grocery flowers instead of apricot roses. Maybe she thinks birthdays are no big deal. When the sparks fly or hearts freeze over, try these eight simple words and watch the chocolate melt. They are very sexy.
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If you want to improve the romance in your marriage, try my ebook, Great Dates with Your Mate- Romantic Conversation Starters, available here. Filled with romantic questions you can only answer in a positive way, it will definitely spark romance and warm feelings.