When Your Mother is Dying…
You watch countless hours of Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune and HGTV because it makes her happy.
You actually start to care about a couple on Dancing with the Stars.
You cry at TV ads because they allude to celebrating life’s moments.
You put down your smart phone, tablet and other distractions while she’s watching TV because she enjoys it more when she thinks you’re engaged.
You encourage her that stopping chemo isn’t “giving in,” it’s living the life you have left on your own terms and with dignity.
You hold her hand when she’s tucked into bed and help her recite the Lord’s Prayer, night after night in faltering, whispery tones.
You tell her it’s okay if she only wants to eat ice cream or chicken bullion.
You eat a lot of ice cream yourself and then can’t remember having eaten.
You dress for the weather—85 degrees in her condo because she’s cold.
You want to hug the person who started the hospice movement, what a relief to be in her home and no more needles and tests!
You ask about silly things that you want to know- her favorite meal her mother made, her first kiss, her last dance with your late father.
You help her put on makeup even though you want to ask, “What’s the point?”
You help her order that gorgeous sweater in the catalog even though she won’t have but two weeks to wear it.
You tell her she’s beautiful, even though she looks like a walking skeleton. Because you remember when she looked like a movie star, and anyway, she’s still beautiful in your eyes.
You remind her of all the funny memories and good moments you can, so she can be reassured she did a good job and her life had significance.
You toss and turn on her guest bed exhausted but unable to sleep. Will it be tomorrow? Will it be a week from today? Memories of growing up flash through your mind like a movie trailer making you alternatively giggle and cry.
You tell the hospice nurses that if they don’t get strong enough pain medicine, you will buy it off the street in some scary alley, because you refuse to see her suffer.
You pour through old photographs together and marvel at how young we all looked, how full of life, how brazenly we faced the future.
You fight with your siblings and then regret it.
You look at things you want to take from her house and place in your own and then despise yourself and feel like a vulture.
You secretly clean the incontinence off her favorite leather chair and don’t tell her what happened to preserve her dignity.
You give her that suppository even though it grosses you out and you’ve never done it before because she’s suffering.
You look at her blotchy, swollen, misshapen legs and remember her glamorous movie star legs she used to have.
You notice pumpkins ablaze in the late afternoon sun, and laughing, careening toddlers with new delight and awe. Then you burst into tears because she won’t get to see this.
You want to shout to the world what an amazing woman your mother was and make sure she is not forgotten. You want to brag about her teaching blind kids to swim, starting her own business, going back to college, hostessing Norwegian royalty, shyly starting a Bible Study in her new retirement community and so many other things.
You want to talk about how gracious she was, how self effacing, how she could always find a kind word to say, what Grace Kelly natural beauty she had.
You remember how she was the first one in the neighborhood to take food to the family that was new. Or be the first one to invite the lonely person to join in.
You determine to finish that book and not to waste your talents or your life, because it would make her proud.
You realize how much of life’s stuff you’ve worried about or collected or hungered after is meaningless.
You cry with her and hold her hand when she whispers: “I just want to die.”
You pray that God would take her soon. And you remember all those nights she prayed with you when you were afraid.
You hope there’s a tender hand to hold when it’s your turn at the gates.
You understand that towards the end, most of what’s sacred and holy about life can be messy, scary and difficult. But it is good. It is an honor to witness and walk with someone down that road.
You take your Bible more seriously and remember that it all boils down to this: Have I got a place reserved in Heaven for me?
So after I got on the Minecraft game to check it out, darling son decided a Minecraft-themed birthday party for him would be “awesome.” (I wanted Lord of the Rings/Hobbit/Middle Earth) but he wanted Minecraft. We did Robin Hood a few years ago and that was very labor-intensive so I figured I could swing it.
First the outfit. The sword is from Amazon (as is the Tshirt). The sword is about $20. and is foam. Harsh use will have it peeling apart a bit. Nothing that gorilla/superglue can’t fix. The Steve head was downloaded and printed out at my local UPS store (bigger sheets). You can find instructions here:
I went online and found Minecraft food images and then printed them out on card stock at home. I used a pixely font.
For “coal” I had seen Rice Krispies done with black food coloring. But I figured we had enough sugar going on with the jello, cake and piñata so we made black beans to look like coal. The “pork” is smokey joes in Pillsbury Crescent rolls. Just open up the dough triangles from the can, lay a mini hotdog/smokey joe on there, wrap and bake. Voila, Pigs in a Blanket!
I also had shrubs as brocolli (sorry, no picture). My favorite is the “water.” Just blue jello! We also had “slimes” which is green jello cut into squares.
The cake is a simple sheet cake made at home, then I ordered online an edible image with his name on it. Easy Peasy.
The piñata is of a Minecraft Gast. I took a square box, covered it with white paper and drew on the squares with markers to make the face (I printed out a picture to guide me). White streamers underneath complete the piñata. NOTE: Use a weak-ish box. We used one suitable for shipping and those boys (ages 8-12) really whacked the pooey out of that thing for ages (with a serious baseball bat) before it broke apart.
The candy was somewhat pulverized, but thankfully, the zipper-pulls we put in there (made out of Perler beads) saved the day. The boys LOVED these. They put them on their backpack zippers, sweatshirt zippers or used as keychains.
The goody bags were very cheapo green bags I got on Amazon. I then made a template of a Creeper face out of card stock and used it to color in (with Sharpie) the face. We put a few zipper pulls, a whoopie cushion, silly string and minimal candy in them.
The “grass” tablecloth was a very inexpensive one I found on Amazon. The “ice” I got at Diddams. (Looks like diamonds—something you want to mine in Minecraft). Creeper heads and Endermen heads are square, not round! So at Diddams I got square paper plates with square clear plates to go over them. That way, I could color in the Creeper faces but not worry about the boys getting toxic marker on their food. For the Endermen face I just printed out white/purple “eyes” to cut out and glue on the black plates. Then I covered them with the clear, square plates for eating.
The obstacle course
This was a total GAS! The boys loved it. I made a “lava field” out of butcher paper. I spray-painted red and yellow on it (just quick and swirly). The green paint on it is only to hold it down in the breeze.
Then I crumpled it up to look more like lava. Tearing apart cardboard boxes and spray painting them gray with lines drawn on made cobblestones. This was the beginning of the obstacle course. The boys had to take a stack of cobblestones in their arms, throw them down in order to step on them to cross the lava field.
After the lava field they had to grab a box decorated like a block of earth. I had it sitting at the bottom of a cardboard Enderman against the fence (no picture, bummer). While holding their “earth” block and sword, then they had to race up a slight hill to get into the plasma car/Minecart.
While still holding their earth box and sword, they had to drive the plasma car down and navigate to the cardboard Creeper to knock him down with the sword. (Station an adult at each stage to make sure no corners are cut!) This was timed and the winner won some candy. They wanted to do this over and over, improving their times, but we had to move on.
Finally, the moment they were hanging out for, everyone Minecrafting at once! They all got on their devices and built structures and/or whacked each other for a great time. We kept the computer time to :30 minutes.
All in all, it was a huge success. Or, as the birthday boy put it, “That was EPIC!”
But you gotta watch those parents, some of them really get into it…
Oh- and here are the Thank You cards I made (note the “Minecraft” font that the “A’s” have little Creeper faces on them! I found this font free, online). Just download the image on card stock, 2 to a page, print and cut in half.
In case you are living in a cave, you might not be aware of the latest craze of 6-30 year olds. I’m speaking of the Minecraft computer game. Initially, as a Christian homeschooling mother who doesn’t want her child’s brain to rot from mindless addiction nor his soul to go to hell, my response was, “a computer game? No way.”
But since I pre-read 99% of the books he reads and check out movies and videos on Pluggedin.com and other such sites before he sees them, I decided to not give the knee-jerk reaction of your typical, skeptical parent and check it out.
Minecraft’s interface is appallingly unsophisticated. Everything is pixely blocks (just the opposite of what you want in your images when online). My first reaction was, “Seriously? This is awesome to you?” But here, it works. It’s all about building and creating.
You can create buildings with stone, brick, wood or wool, iron or whatever material suits your fancy. You create pickaxes to chop down the trees and/or to mine the stone. Want light? Put in sky lights or a flaming torch on the wall. However, that’s in Creative Mode. All your tools and materials are free, you don’t have to mine anything. In Survival Mode it’s a different game.
Here is my water-front home on a peninsula. Across the bay is a jungle view. If only real life were this easy!
As with most games, there is a ‘violent’ aspect (although I would say it’s comical and not to be feared). In Minecraft you can be in either Creative Mode where you just build fantastic places/cities/underground realms or Survival Mode. In Survival Mode you will have to fight off Creepers (goofy-looking green guys that blow up next to you), giant spiders, Endermen (tall, skinny black creatures that steal your blocks) and other wacky creatures to survive. And in Survival Mode you have to mine and make everything you want. Want a door for your house? Chop down a tree, take your planks to the crafting block and make it. But while you are doing this crafting and creating, you have to watch out for baddies in Survival Mode. For me, I just want to make fun homes in great locations. I stick to Creative Mode.
Sunset from the roof of my house. Even the sun is square!
When my son first started, we had the sound on and it was Survival Mode. With his tender heart, it was too much. We turned the sound off and switched to Creative Mode. Now he plays survival mode but usually with the sound off. (Creepers hiss and some creatures make weird sounds). These days, one of our fun bonding times is playing the Pocket Edition on our iPads (sharing a world/landscape) and learning stuff together. He shows me how to get wool, build sofas out of steps, tame a cat (spawn an ocelot and offer it raw fish) and other cool things.
Inside the house: sunset and my tamed cat
If you want to be a hero to your kids and understand what the latest craze is, let them teach you Minecraft. That is, if you want to keep the door of communication open as to what is capturing their hearts and why.
And I don’t mean Christmas! For gardeners, the arrival of spring catalogs is as exciting (if not more so) than the Christmas catalogs. Inside are pages full of dreams that with a little effort, can come true! An English cottage garden full of blowsy, charming flowers nodding their heads in the breeze? Easy peasy. A bountiful vegetable garden in a small space? Can do! A fast-growing screen to block out my neighbors view? Oh yeah.
The arrival of spring catalogs makes my heart beat faster, my dreams seem reachable and my imagination soar. Inside are new color combinations I could try, new kinds of plants, disease-resistant hybrid vegetables and long-forgotten heirloom seeds. With a piece of graph paper and my catalogs, Gertrude Jekyll has some competition. Even without the graph paper, my mind is busy at night creating gorgeous, private retreats. Here are some of my favorite sources for gardening fantasies.
The Cook’s Garden
Mainly aimed towards “seeds and plants for gourmet gardeners.” All this means to you is: quite an extensive selection of lettuces, herbs, heirloom tomatoes and things like that. (There is a small selection of flowers). They also have everything you need to grow from seed successfully.
Like the name, Gardener’s Supply is more based on supplies. I have used their seed-starting kits for years and they are AMAZING. I’ve never had any failure with starting seeds (even old ones!) with their self-watering seed-starter kits. They also have great trellis and plant support collection (and much more).
This catalog states, “The finest fruit & berry culivars from around the world.” Even if you don’t have a lot of acreage to start your fruit orchard, you will find a wonderful selection of rare, old and hard-to-find fruit and berry plants for great-tasting results. And for those of us who are space-challenged, they have dwarf varieties. Who knew there were Russian, Italian, Swedish, French and Japanese plums?? Five pages of pears, gooseberries, lingonberries, alpine strawberries, and all sorts of yummy things you’ve never heard of are in this catalog.
Klehm’s Song Sparrow
Klehm’s farm and nursery is for the peony-lover. Bush and tree, they have a great selection. Although I’ve never been a fan of daylilies, my sister and mother are crazy about them. This catalog has 4 gorgeous pages of them. I do love Hosta and there are 8 pages of unique and captivating varieties. This is sort of the Park Avenue of selected varieties. Luscious.
White Flower Farm
This is another ‘step up’ in the catalog world. In the fall, the daffodil selection covers 6 pages. Forget the boring, yellow picture of a daffodil, they have pink and white ones, all white, yellow and white, yellow and orange, etc. etc. I also looooove David Austin roses (those huge, fat, cabbage types with rich fragrance you see in old Dutch paintings). They have a great selection of these too.
Small catalog but with a big message: with our color combination planter packs, you will be a success! (Or at least, the envy of the neighborhood). Pages and pages full of combinations that will suit full shade to full sun and everything in between. This is perfect for the patio gardener who uses mostly containers. Or anyone who wants outstanding planters near the front door or charming window boxes. They also carry a very hard to find plant that I only know of two sources for: the alpine geranium. This is not the “ivy geranium” so many catalogs or nurserymen point you to. This the real thing that you see cascading from flowerboxes in Switzerland and Austria. Three to four feet long and covered with small, delicate and charming flowers. (The other source—and probably better for their selection is Larson’s Geraniums http://larsonsgeraniums.com/pages/about-us). The Larsons took over this selection from Wheeler Farm Gardens (in the family- no hostile takeover). This is truly the best source of those illusive European alpine balcony geraniums.
Well, everyone knows about them don’t they? Huge selection, wonderful shrubs—mountain laurel, rhododendrons, hydrangeas and my favorite, old roses.
These are just a few of the ones I collect and salivate over. What are some of your favorite gardening catalogs? Post them here!
My friend had tears running down her face.
“I can’t seem to get this camping trip organized with my in-laws. And we have guests arriving tomorrow. I don’t seem to be able to get my household organized….”
She was floundering because she was dependent on others setting her schedule. If her in-laws would not give her a timeline of availability, she could make no firm plans. If her guests gave no indication of what sites they wanted to see, or what they might like to do, she could not plan anything.
Or so she thought.
When we were first married, there was a member of my extended family who would wrangle my schedule around to fit hers. If I protested I couldn’t do something, she would ask why not and then I would ramble on with my reasons and excuses. No matter what reason I gave, she had an answer to fix it so that I could do what she wanted. I floundered. I felt like lying I’m sure I have an appendectomy that day! But she probably would have called the surgeon to reschedule me.
While I was on the phone my husband would stand in front of me holding a piece of paper that said, “Just say NO!” It was hard. But I learned something from my relative.
When she couldn’t do something (or didn’t feel like it) she would simply say, “Nope. That won’t work for me.” No explanations. Just silence…..a long silence…. She didn’t feel the need to fill that air space with excuses. She refused to give any excuse or tell me what the reason was. It was just a firm, no. No excuses, no questions, no wiggle room. (It always made me feel like it was a super-important commitment she couldn’t break when she said it that way.)
Her no gave her freedom to do what mattered to her. Her no meant she got to set her schedule and not have others ruin her plans.
My friend Heather (an über-organized soul) responds to queries this way: “Oh that sounds fun! Well, here is when I’m available.”
Notice how she affirmed that she wanted to do it, but then told me when it fit in with her plans? (When pressed she admitted Monday wouldn’t work because that was when she had scheduled doing paperwork and filing at home!) I laughed because I knew that was why her life ran like clockwork. She wasn’t buffeted by the demands of others.
How many of us schedule self-appointments like that? Because Heather sets her schedule and then lets other know when she can fit them in, she gets her to-do’s done. She accomplishes more than most people I know. Her no (with a smile) gives her freedom to pursue what’s important to her.
Your no doesn’t have to be a doctor’s appointment or a funeral. It can simply be an appointment with yourself to workout, clean your closet or do paperwork. It’s still a valid appointment.
Learn to live with silence while others scramble to find a solution after you’ve said no. Smile when you say it. When pressed, answer: “I have an appointment.”
I’m not an expert, I tend to ramble with excuses. But after I shared my no stories with my friend she smiled with hope. “Well! That’s true, I could just say …no that won’t work—but here’s what works for me!”
No is not negative. No means yes to what’s important to you. No gives you freedom.
This Independence Day, join the free and the brave. Just say no.